Monday, May 13, 2013

Socially Awkward

It has come to my attention (mostly through my loving husband)  that I can be rather socially awkward.  I've always felt uncomfortable in social situations.  I get sweaty and red when too many people look at me, but I just summed it up to an awkward childhood where too much social interaction could lead to even more awkward questions and devastating revelations.  But I thought I alone suffered the burden of my awkwardness and that I hid it well from others.  That was until I went to my hubby's office and found out that he'd given them a preemptive explanation of my weirdness.  In his defense, he only wanted me to be comfortable, and nothing makes me more anxious than a room full of people expecting me to be a social butterfly like my other half.  In business, I have a hard time blurring the lines into friendliness.  I feel like I have a job to do and I get it done and end up forgetting to be... well, nice I guess.  I always just considered myself efficient.  But then I started thinking....  around my closest loved ones, I don't have a problem opening up, but I don't trust many people with my thoughts and feelings.  Then I thought some more....  I remember a few years ago in college, I had to teach myself to ask the obligatory "and how are you" when someone asked me how I'd been doing.  The thought to say anything besides fine and then walk away had never crossed my mind until I took a class on public speaking with a little public etiquette thrown in.  I'm not shy per say; the thought to ask someone about themselves (unless I love and trust them) or to divulge any information about myself just simply doesn't even cross my mind. So now I'm thinking I may have a touch of the asperger... or I'm just way more messed up in the trust category than I ever imagined.  The moral of this story:  I have a husband that loves me enough to pad a situation that he knows is going to be uncomfortable for me, I have a husband that knows me well enough to know when I'm going to be uncomfortable before it even happens, and I have a husband that loves me just the way I am, and that is the only thing I could ever hope for.

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