Friday, February 26, 2010

Sexy Beast

This car is a sexy beast. I don't own one, but there is one that lives somewhere near us and every time I see it, I want to jump out of my car and throw my body on it. Sean has obviously worn off on me because I never dreamed I would find a chunk of metal so attractive.
As I sat at the intersection this morning, drooling over this silver fox, I suddenly wondered what my car said about me.... mama... eco friendly foxy lady... dangerous, daring diva. Hmmm... unfortunately, I think my car screams car pool line and carseats. Oh well :/

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I'm in love with a girl.

a rolly polly wibbly wobbly little girl

I love dancing with her to ghetto music on the radio and singing itsy bitsy spider at the top of our lungs. I love giving her makeup tips as she sits in the sink and watches me get ready in the mornings. I love that she's rough and tough and loves cars more than baby dolls. I love that she'll make anything into jewelry... everything has the potential to be an accessory. I love that she scribbles love notes on all of my papers at work. My heart melts when she says 'Mom' and then shows me her big, beautiful, gummy grin. I love that she's fearless... she'll wander the halls at work in hope of making a new discovery, and never doubts that I'll come rescue her from trouble. I love that she turns everything into a phone and enjoys pulling every single wipe out of the box as if there is a treasure hidden somewhere at the bottom. I love that she stares at people, just taking them in, and never buckling under the peer pressure to grin or show a friendly gesture. I love that she says thank you so boldly... showing her inhibition to express gratitude and kindness to those she loves.

I am in love with a girl, and I can't wait to see the woman she will become.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

UAHuntsville. A Sad Day.

I have wanted to write about this since it happened, but I haven't quite yet been able to sort through my feelings.
There was a shooting on the UAHuntsville campus. A professor shot 6 other people at the Shelby Center. My building. I spent hours in that building. I knew every lab, classroom, and vending machine. I had Dr. Bishop, the shooter, the murderer, the brilliant scientist. She taught me anatomy and physiology. She was brilliant. She was a Harvard graduate, had a beautiful family, a thriving career, and was doing incredible research in our labs. I admired her. She seemed to have everything I was striving for. She was a bit quirky though. She never made eye contact, never showed emotion, and was kind of sporadic in her thought process, but every professor seems to have their quirks. I never ever thought I was looking at the face of a killer every day.
I also knew the victims... met with them, talked to them, sat through their lectures, sat and talked with them in labs and in their offices, and the thought that their lives would end in those same rooms, doing what they loved, never crossed my mind. Dr. Johnson set up my interview with the med school recruits for UAB and the University of South Alabama. He was my advocate and friend. Dr. Davis taught the very first college class I ever attended. Her warm smile put me at ease when I walked into Wilson Hall with all of the nervous energy and doubts of a freshman. She was kind and genuinely concerned for her students... for me, and now they are gone. Their brilliance and kindness and compassion are simply gone. They're no longer able to create or teach or discover.
I guess through this tragedy I have learned that it is okay to feel each emotion that swells in my heart. It is okay to feel grief and sadness and admiration and gratitude all at the same time. I don't have to chose one over the other. I can feel gratitude for both the victims and the accused. I can mourn the loss of great minds who sacrificed their time and energy to share their understanding, and I can also have compassion for the person who took that gift from us. Dr. Bishop, like all of us made both good choices and bad choices, and I can have gratitude for her good and compassion for her tragedy. In spite of my anger and frustration caused by this calamity, I can be Christlike, and in return, I can find peace.

Friday, February 19, 2010

To Sew

Well.... these are my first attempt at sewing. I fixed my mother in law's old sewing machine and tried to create a few of the patterns that have been floating around in my head. They turned out alright... from a distance. I think I enjoy it though, so maybe I'll make it a thing. Like a late night, can't sleep, so I'll create thing.... and maybe, over time, my hem lines won't look like they were sewn with my eyes shut. :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I had a ridiculous day. I am busy. I know I say that all the time, but seriously. I'm busy in that I have to schedule every little thing if it's going to be done. School was cancelled on Tuesday which threw a little kink in my schedule, so I decided to shake things up a bit & hit the fabric store with a friend, catch a movie with Drew, and then proceed with the other daily tasks (bank, grocery store, work, etc.) WELL, it's these days, the days I try to cram way more than physically possible into one day, that end up over flowing with goo and grime. Let's just say I ended up cleaning pee sheets, 10 gallons of spilled laundry detergent, and, oh... let's not forget this little disaster at work...

that would be Whopper juice. Maddi found Drew's left over candy from the movie and crammed about 15 whoppers into her mouth. She couldn't close her stuffed little mouth, so the dissolving chocolate goo dripped out of her mouth and onto her beautiful new dress. Why, you ask, did I not notice this fiasco? Because I was taking advantage of the brief silence of a stuffed mouth and working feverishly at my desk on the other side of the room until I heard "Eeeeeeeeww! Mom! Maddi.... EEEEEEEWWWWW!"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Turn that Frown Up-side-down

I was horribly sick a few weeks ago & had to go to the ER. I have an AMAZING friend who I know I can always call for help. She rushed over to take care of the kids so Sean could take care of me. She is one of the very few people I trust with my babies, and so I was able to heal with out even worrying about them once (an amazing gift for a worry-wart like me). After my friend explained to Drew what was going on, he wrote me this precious e-mail....

I realy hope you fill beter i fell sad for you cause i hope i can turn thatfrown to a smile
Love, Drew

Oh my goodness... I think my heart just exploded. I have THE BEST, most kind and loving kids in the whole wide world. It's little moments like this that make me cherish being a mother.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My Sister's Keeper

So I finally got up the courage to watch My Sister's Keeper. After seeing the first preview for the movie, I knew it was a must see. The scientific possibilities that it explored were absolutely amazing, but I knew it would be a 2 hour sob fest, so I kept putting it off. My movie addiction, however, got the better of me, and I caved to the curiosity.
Yes. The movie was as amazing as I wanted it to be. The potential to create a human life capable of donating stem cells to a sibling is enthralling, and the actors were PHENOMENAL. As a mother, I have been Cameron Diaz sitting on the beach trying desperately to soak in every moment of bliss with my babies. I have loved fiercely and cried in desperation. As a caretaker for someone with cancer, I have been an advocate and rode the 'we're never giving up' train. I have looked into that yellow, puffy cancer face and my soul has screamed out in fear. I have wiped faces, held hands, and said goodbye too soon. This movie was so real to me. It brought back so many vivid memories, and in a way it helped me heal. It helped me realize I am not alone in my experiences or in my memories.
So, grab a box of tissues & a gallon of ice cream, and rent My Sister's Keeper. Here's a link:

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Story Time

Today was Maddi's first mommy and me story time. The Huntsville Public Library has a little class every week with a story, a few songs, instruments to play, dance time, and a craft. It is so fun to watch her dance & clap & giggle. I absolutely love this time in my little girl's life. She's just beginning to learn that there is a fascinating world around her and discovering how to interact with the people and things she meets. She stares at, feels, and licks every new thing she encounters, and as I control my germ-a-phobe tendencies, I become enthralled in discovering the world through her eyes.

PS I'm so glad I get to share this time with my dearest friend & her little miracle. :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


So, I'm debating homeschooling once again. This is a choice that I've always struggled with, and certain issues (bullying, nearby school shooting, etc.) have brought it to the battlefield once again. Sometimes just putting my thoughts on paper helps, so let's see if this (and hopefully your comments) will bring me some clarity. Currently, Drew attends public school, but we enrolled him only under the pretense that he would be taken out if 1. he asked or 2. there were issues that couldn't be resolved through school leaders. When Drew started school, I was taking classes at UAH, so my selfish needs greatly influenced my decision to enroll him. We have already had several conflicts such as unprofessional substitute teachers, bullying, enforcing that our rules at home continue to govern our actions elsewhere even though others may act foolishly around us, and I've been forced to interact with some pretty pathetic, immature parents, but we've chosen not to pull him out of school yet and instead concentrated on teaching him how to resolve conflicts.
So, here are the main issues that I keep flip-flopping on:
1. In public school I have no influence over what material is being taught. We have balanced that by thoroughly discussing what he learns each day and resolving any moral or intellectual questions he may have, but I feel like there is so much more that he is capable of learning. They can only go as fast as the slowest student, and they are restricted from enhancing their repertoire with any form of spiritual education, so basically they are governed by the weakest students. I feel that at home I would be able to give him a more well-rounded education and be able to both customize it to his interests and move at his own pace.
2. I miss Drew while he's gone. Yes, it gives me time to work, run errands, and clean up with out 'mommy can I have a snack' and 'mommy I'm bored,' but I miss that bonding time and I truly feel like it is my responsibility to not only care for, comfort, and protect him, but to educate him in all aspects of his life. I hate delegating that responsibility, but I am also grateful for the beautiful gifts and talents that other women have been able to share with him.
3. I am super super busy. I juggle 1,452,879 responsibilities. I'm afraid I would have a hard time sticking to a schedule. It would be nice to not be confined by tardy policies and truancy laws, but I fear I might take advantage of the freedom.
4. Public school is free. The books are free. The art and music are free. The socializing is free. Homeschooling is not free. I have amazing ideas of little field trips and learning opportunities, and I'd hate to cheat his education because we're on a budget.
5. We have dealt with teachers calling Drew names, classmates making fun of him, hitting, and kicking him, we've held our breath as trashy parents smoke like freight trains in the car pool line, and have seen students rewarded as they misbehave, but we can not influence the world for good if we do not perform acts of goodness in the world. So, is it fair to submit Drew to injustices in hopes that he can be an influence for good?
6. He will one day be working with these people, and he can't just quit his job because they are dishonest, mean, or judgemental. He will have to learn to resolve conflicts and get along with people he doesn't necessarily like if he wants to be successful in life, but do I really need to let my 7 year old learn such hard lessons so soon? I don't understand why there is such a negative, competitive atmosphere at school. I can only imagine how productive our classes would be if they all worked together as a team, celebrating accomplishments and admiring each other's hard work and kindness. Why, instead, do they chose to degrade one another and act out in anger? Why haven't their parents taught them how to behave!?!
7. Schools aren't safe anymore. School has always been emotionally treacherous, but now it has the potential to be physically dangerous. The world in general is dangerous, but knowing that I'm sending my child, alone, into such an unstable environment every single day scares me. Watching the terrified parents on the news tonight... not knowing if their children were hurt and unable to get to them is a fear I never want to know. Discovery Middle School (where the shooting happened today)is a wonderful school in a wonderful city. It could have easily been Drew's school. Despite today's tragedy, I will try not to act out of fear. I will, however, continue to ponder and research my options, and hopefully I can make a decision that will allow my babies to realize their potential and find happiness in this crazy journey we call life.