I am haunted by memories.
Yes, even at the age of 14, eating meat... tearing into another animal's flesh with my own teeth... gave me the willy's....especially when the animal hung from a tree in our backyard for days. yuck! On this particular night, my punishment for not eating the deer meat was sleeping outside. I was deemed unworthy to be in my home because of my disobedience. Banished to the yard. Like a dog. Not even allowed to sleep in a car and forbidden to leave the yard, a stucco flower box served as my bed on that cold winter night. As I lay there breathing in the smell of fresh dirt, I dreamed of a day when I would have my own home, my own bed, and someone who would realize my worth.
By the grace of God, that day has come, but my happiness is constrained because I'm haunted by memories.
So, today I celebrate starting anew. cutting the binding ties of abuse, and celebrating the gifts that I have been given. I want to allow myself to feel the unbridled joy that I deserve so that I can give my whole self to those I love. Today I start anew.