Friday, August 13, 2010

The Aftermath

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the aftermath of an earthquake... an event that is so traumatic it now defines our time. We tell stories prefaced with 'when grandpa was still alive' or 'after grandma and grandpa died' as if all time ended and then began again on that day.
I wish grief was a single experience. Something I could endure and then put away. Instead it comes in burning waves. A place, a smell, a sound and my heart tremors in the aftershock. Sometimes I simply forget they're gone. Maddi does something new and I go to call them. I see someone in the distance and my heart leaps for joy... until I realize it isn't them. Each new joy is dampened by loss.
I wonder what they would think. Would they like our new home? would they be in love with their granddaughter? I almost feel guilty for continuing to live and grow and change.
Today, I'm remembering John. Yearning for one more day... one more second. Happy Birthday. We miss you.

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